Imprisoned Goodness

Every week he would want to talk. He would share about the Bible studies he was doing on his tablet, update me on his case, and ask me to pray for him or someone he loved on the outside. Sometimes we talked about music, most times we talked bout his resolve to put God first. He once showed me page after page of hand written notes he had taken as he read Scripture. We will call him Matt (not his real name).

My incarcerated friends come and go sometimes. Sometimes they get sentenced “down state” to prison. Sometimes they finish their time and are released. A lot of times they either go to home detention or work release.

A lot of guys are there for months. The crazy thing is that almost none of them are actually convicted. They are charged with a crime and are waiting their court date. If they are in the jail, they either are charged for an offensive enough crime that the judge didn’t grant them bail or they can’t afford bail.

When their court appearance does come, decisions are not made purely on the black and white facts of their crime. Offenders are often presented with plea bargains. For example, let’s say you were charged with drug possession, but the prosecutor offers you a “bargain” if you plea guilty to disorderly conduct. Are you guilty of that? No. But disorderly conduct is a misdemeanor not a felony.

Sounds good, right? Sometimes. Sometimes there’s a little bit of politicking involved. Prosecuting attorneys get graded by the number of convictions they get. Sometimes prosecuting attorneys threaten a more serious charge that sounds really bad, but they offer a plea bargain with a lower charge if the defendant pleads guilty to the lower charge. Again, this sounds good on the surface. The problem is that sometimes (sometimes is a key word here—it is not helpful to generalize this as being true of all) prosecuting attorneys know they do not have enough evidence to prove the actual charges, but they still want to “win” the case.

So, for example, let’s say you got in a bar fight and broke someone’s nose. The prosecuting attorney might charge you with aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury and disorderly conduct and an attempt to drive while intoxicated. These charges would be pretty serious and could carry some serious jail time. The truth is, a prosecuting attorney might have a hard time proving those charges depending on a lot of factors. You could win the case. But, the threat of those charges is scary and intimidating, so when the prosecutor offers a deal on the table if you plead guilty to a simple assault charge, the deal sounds pretty good. It’s just, maybe you could have won in court.

All that to say, I talk to a lot of guys who are stressed, scared, sorrowful, and simply unsure of what to do. They often ask me to pray for them before they go before a judge.

Sometimes, like with my friend Matt from earlier, getting out is almost as scary. He was living with a girlfriend, but after going to jail his relationship with her was a little rocky. He doesn’t have any family in the area, so going to the homeless shelter was a real possibility. The anxiety and fear I encounter as I speak with people who have nowhere to go is palpable. Sometimes I can almost feel their despair as they know they are going to end up going to that friend and staying on that couch in that situation…again. You see, some of the people that will “help” them are also some of the same people who will hinder them. Going back to those friends means going back to the same environment, around the same temptations, and with the same people that got them into their situation in the first place. They know this, but they also don’t know what to do.

Matt was sentenced to work release. He only had a couple of months, but at work release there is accountability. After his time on work release, he was placed on parole. What I have not told you is that Matt has a drinking problem. I think I know at least part of the reason he is driven to numb his pain.

Earlier this summer I was leaving a local coffee shop and taking a stroll downtown. I happened to pass by Matt. “Hey man! You’re out! That’s awesome. How are you doing?”

“Yeah, I am at work release. I am doing good man. I am on my way to go see my therapist…” He proceeded to tell me how she was helping him navigate some of his baggage. What he told me next broke my heart. I could feel the darkness hover over his soul.

“Yeah, I have a lot of stuff man. I was the one who cut my sister down when she killed herself.”

It took me a minute to process what that sentence meant. He was the one who found his younger sister hanging by noose, and he cut her down.

“I just, I wasn’t very nice to her sometimes. I teased her and…man, I should have been a better big brother…” He started to get teary eyed.

Alcohol became his medicine. My heart broke.

Earlier this week I was volunteering in the jail. I typically deliver devotionals, Bibles, and other books requested from the chaplains office to A Pod. Usually, I sit and talk and pray with a few guys.

The officer at control unlocked Cell Block A2, and as soon as I walked in I saw Matt. He was sitting at a table with a group of guys who meet everyday for a Bible study (more about that in a moment). He lowered his head in shame. Come to find out, as soon as he was done with work release, he got drunk. He violated his parole. So, there he was again.

I am bummed he is back, but I am glad I will get to see him for the next couple of weeks. I am thankful I get to remind him, as the lyrics of an old Tenth Avenue North song declares,

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

He needs to know that he is more than his mistakes. Jesus still loves him. I won’t preach at him about how he should have done this or that. I will listen to him. I will pray with him and for him. I will remind him that he is loved, forgiven, and delighted in.

After leaving A2, I went over to A4. There I got to see a guy we will call Greg. Greg used to be in A2. The same cell block where the guys meet daily for a Bible study. There’s a guy in A2 who has become a leader in that cell. He is sort of like the cell block’s resident chaplain. He prays for guys and leads the Bible study and prayer circles.

When Greg was moved to A4, he started a Bible study and a prayer circle in that group. He seems sort of shy upon first meeting him, but he has become a leader in his cell block. It’s cool to know that the goodness that is happening in A2 is spreading. There are groups all over that jail that gather for “prayer circles” and bible studies without a single “official” chaplain leading it. I love that.

I am also encouraged to know that Matt is in good company. I’m not sure what’s next for him, but I know he will have people in his corner. I know there is goodness in A2.